So I started this blog yesterday, and have been feeling as though it would almost be wrong of me to not write about one of the most life changing events that has shaken my world recently.

So Last June, Life was good. I mean, it wasn’t so fantastic that I wanted to shout about it from the rooftops, but it certainly wasn’t so terrible that I couldn’t function. Work was good. My relationship was good. My Family life was good. My social life was good. My health was good. I was training hard for a big cycle challenge from London to Paris that I had been looking forward to for almost two years. I completed the challenge at the end of July. 340 miles in 4 days, with a big finish at the Eiffel Tower. Everyone was immensly proud of me. Then, my life changed forever. As I was boarding the eurostar to come home, my mum called me. She told me the news I never in a million years thought I would hear.

My best friend passed away.

I don’t know how I managed to function for long enough to get on the train, and I couldn’t / wouldn’t speak to anyone for a good six or seven hours. I spent the journey home completely silent, with tears streaming from my face.

The day before, I’d been wandering around Paris picking up presents for her, as her birthday was coming up. I got the news that she was in hospital, but I always saw her as a fighter. I thought she’d be fine in a couple of days and I’d go and se her with her presents and some flowers.

But that never happened. She never even made it to her 26th Birthday. The last message she sent me said she’d see me on Tuesday (the day I returned – she and my sister were coming to mine and we were going to go shopping in preparation for a music festival the following weekend). She then sent me a photo from filthy sentiments that said:

“I look at my best friend and think ‘Why the fuck do I love this twat?'”

Which was just our way of communicating. We cursed at eachother a lot in a wierdly affectionate way.

So since then I have done many new things in order to help me cope. I started playing Pokemon Go as a distraction from the harsh realities of the real world. I started a bullet Journal as I had nobody that I felt I could vent my feelings to anymore. And now I’ve started this blog. I guess you could say these are fairly healthy coping mechanisms. But learning them has taken some time.

But for my best friend, I will carry on living.

I will go on all the adventures we had planned together. I will throw a massive party in her honour; and I will always, always buy the shoes.

Advertisements