For those of you who didn’t read my blog post which explains in a little more detail why I  started this blog, It was due to my best friend passing away. I decided to use it as a distraction from my grief. Today marks the one year anniversary of her death. So in a very public fashion, I am writing a letter to my best friend, for everyone to see.

To my best friend, partner in crime, and bad influence;

I can’t believe I’ve gone a whole year without talking about boys with you. An entire year without your potty-mouthed curses, or your brightly coloured outfit decisions. 365 days of missing you so much that at times, I still don’t know how I’ll get through it. But I do. Because I know if you were here, you’d tell me to get off my ass and stop f*cking crying because I’ll ruin my mascara.

So much has happened in the last year that I wish I could tell you about. It would be impossible to tell you everything, but here’s a quick rundown.

I tried, and failed to sell my house. Yep, my fiance and I went on the market to move to a great new place which would have eventually become a family home, but the sellers of the new place pulled out, so we were stuck, and had to cancel the sale of our house.

I quit my job. The changes that happened at work shortly after you passed away meant I no longer felt like it was for me. So I quit, rejoining a job with my Fiance and hs family. I wished so many times I could have talked to you about this, to know if you thought I was making the right choice. I feel like I did, but nobody else was ever as neutral about my jobs as you were.

I got officially engaged. My fiance and I set a date for our wedding. I wished so much that I could hug you and you could share the joy with me. We’ve been waiting seven years and the timing (and our finances) eventually felt right. And I know you’d been helping me plan all the little details for when it eventually happened, so I promise I will include those ideas for the day.

I redecorated. Since we decided to stay put. The house quickly got a nice modern makeover.

I made friends with your other bestie, and we talk and hang out all the time now. It’s great that her husband and my Fiance get on so well too, and we’ve had a few double dates. I am so grateful that you introduced us, as we’ve been each-other’s support in the last year.

I went to the fairy festival. I wish you could have been there. It was incredible. to literally spend a weekend away with the fairies where we could all be our weird, wonderful selves without any judgement was the best weekend ever. It was also an opportunity to hear some new music and dress up in glittery costumes – something we always used to do together.

I am selling my house again. Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly this time. Hopefully you can put a good word in with the powers that be this time around? ๐Ÿ˜‰

So yeah, a lot has happened. I feel lost without you at times, and I still cry at random moments because I miss you. That won’t ever go away I don’t think. But I know that you’d want me to carry on, and so I will.

“I look at my best mate and think ‘why the fuck do I love this twat?'”

All my love and curses always.